Tony F runs us through a Stargrave scenario set on Planet Earth (before the demolition…).
At Maidstone we have a largish group of Stargrave players with games run regularly. We all keep track of the progress of our captains and crews (although there have been casualties along the way) in a series of unrelated scenarios that we take turns to organise. Almost all are run by an umpire who sits out the game and ensures that things run smoothly. I’m a massive fan of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – I mean, who isn’t? – and I’ve been trying to shoehorn a Stargrave scenario into the H2G2 universe. Last autumn, I finally managed it (and it’s taken almost six months to write it all up !)…
I set things right at the start of the original book, with Arthur Dent’s house about to be demolished. I didn’t directly tell the four players that the scenario was a Hitchhiker’s one although they all twigged it from their sparse briefing notes. Two of them were tasked with ensuring that the house was efficiently pulled down, while the other two were to try and stop the destruction. But they didn’t know that there were two different sets of briefings, nor did they know that they had a potential ally, which led to some interesting results later on.
I went rather over the top with the scenery, making Arthur’s house from a Charlie Foxtrot MDF kit and giving it a detailed garden. A borrowed Forge World fantasy inn stood in as the Red Lion pub while Sarissa Precision provided Cottington Cricket Club’s pavilion. Details such as the telephone box and bus stop were from Blotz while Debris of War were the source of bits such as the rubbish bins and bags, portaloos, traffic cones, sofa etc. I scratchbuilt details such as the hedges and fences, telegraph poles, road signs and the pond, while the post box and benches were 3D prints of models I created myself. The narrow Sussex country lanes were Early War Miniatures latex offerings. I raided my 28mm Lord of the Rings scenery for beer barrels for the pub and a high hedge round the cricket pitch, which was last seen as the defensive hedge around Bree ! I really went to town with the details (far more than was strictly necessary) but I had a lot of fun putting it all together.
The six JCBs were cheap plastic toys from eBay – I hadn’t wanted to spend a fortune on expensive die cast ones for a one-off game. I weathered them a bit, varnished them to take away the cheap plastic shine and I think they looked fine on the table. The idea was that the two demolition-tasked players could jump in them to knock the house down, but I made them difficult for the players to control on account of their weird rear wheel steering which a character used to grav sleds wouldn’t be used to.
I had fun coming up with a long list of creatures for the random encounter table. The list had 20 different possible encounters which were triggered if a player rolled four or less on their initiative roll each turn. I arranged them in increasing order of deadliness, and rolled 1d10 plus the turn number for them which meant that the players would start off with some fairly tame and easy to tackle encounters, ramping up to more difficult ones later in the game. Since Arthur lives in a fairly rural area, Warlord Games’ farmyard animals set populated the bottom half of the table, ranging from a few chickens pecking at the players’ feet up to some cows and a 3D printed bull sourced from Etsy.
The rest of the encounter table was more interesting to put together. A bunch of drunken thugs would pour forth from the Red Lion, upset at the noise and gunfire disturbing their lunchtime drinking session – these came from Killer B. Several British bobbies with truncheons from Crooked Dice would also be investigating the noise, escalating to the Sweeney (also Killer B) in a die cast police car. A simple scratchbuilt bowl of petunias (wooden bead with a flower tuft on top) and a Sperm Whale (eBay) were primed to drop out of the sky on an unlucky captain’s head. Shotgun-armed Farmer Maggert (Killer B) and his three Rottweiler dogs Grip, Wolf and Fang (Brigade Models) would get very protective over his cabbages. There were several bases of tiny red Vl’Hurg and green G’Gugvunt spaceships (Brigade again), confused about their scale but with enough firepower to give someone a nasty flesh wound. Arthur and Ford (Denizen) could well chase a Chesterfield sofa (Debris of War) across the fields, and at the top of the list was Thor, an oversized 3D print from Etsy. And I must not forget Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged, a Crooked Dice figure, and his 1960s toy spaceship which I picked up for a pound at a boot fair. If he managed to land a carefully crafted insult then it could cost a Captain a few Will points.
Sadly, after all that effort, the players (with the honourable exception of Captain Gloria/Charlotte) steadfastly refused to roll many low initiative scores, especially in the second half of the game, so many of my favourite characters didn’t appear. But fear not, I have ideas for more H2G2 universe scenarios, so they’ll be back.
I think the game ran pretty well, initially most of the players spent time hoovering up the loot tokens. But then Captain Gloria jumped in one of the JCBs and they all twigged what was going on. In hindsight perhaps I should have hinted a bit more about what they were supposed to do to achieve the main objective, but I think fun was had by all which after all is what we do this for. I particularly enjoyed Charlotte’s skirmishes with the local farm animals, she seemed particularly unlucky with them, not helped by a few freakishly good die rolls against her by the umpire.
Anyway, I’ll hand you over to the four Captains for their after-action reports.
Captain Gloria (The Rhythm)
COMMENCE ENTRY
The Rhythm has kept a low profile since the last altercation at the Stairway to Heaven nine months ago, but funds were running low and I was longing to be back in familiar territory. When a job came through asking us to save fellow earthling Arthur Dent’s house from demolition, I practically broke the keyboard to accept it. It should have been a case of heading to Earth, getting in, having a word with the tío in charge (el señor Prosser) and getting out.
Díos mío. What should have been a straightforward job became anything but that. Upon landing, demolition seemed at its starting point, with JCBs surrounding the dwelling. We had to move fast and, as we did, it became clear that three other gangs had also received intel about the Dent house. I was not sure of their respective motivation, so I gave the order to make our way to the house, where I was sure either the inhabitant or the demolition tío would be, before the situation could escalate. This was encumbered by my smashed jaw and Estefan’s injured leg, which restricted his movement, and the native animals that kept attacking us. Before any of the crew had reached the house, Black had already been killed by a cow (milk-bearer), which was promptly executed.
While Estefan and many of my crew were engaged with more dwellers of the farm where we had landed – several sheep, a farmer, and his dogs – I pressed on towards the house with Bluey and Red behind me. Across the road, it seemed that two gangs – Roj Blake’s men and The Dirty Rats – were muy ocupado fighting each other, so we only needed to exchange a few rounds of fire from the crew of the Monsoon and Roj Blake’s men. Once it became clear that Wilson of the Monsoon had the same goal of saving the house, we turned our attention to taking out el señor Prosser, Blake’s men and the crew of The Dirty Rat. In a moment of gross misjudgement, I started one of the JCBs, hoping to drive it past the house and into Blake or one of his cronies. Having been some time since I drove an Earthmade machine, I ran over Red and ploughed into the back of the very house we were trying to save. Miraculously, the house remained intact and lost only some plaster and a window, and Red managed to dive out of the way in time. In this time, Wilson’s men had managed to dispatch el señor Prosser and The Dirty Rat appeared to have suffered many casualties.
I ordered those men who were not still engaged with the farmer and his vicious menagerie to try and finish off Blake’s crew, who were by now on the retreat. We left the scene with some loot, having lost only Black and White (que descansen en paz), and having brought Bluey back to make a full recovery, and we returned to the ship with 200cr having been transferred to the ship’s account. I can only assume our client shared the same job with the Monsoon and split our pay. Qué cara tiene.
The status of Arthur Dent remains unknown to us. Communications picked up by The Rhythm suggest he may have been in the pub. I only hope he is pleased that his house remains standing and that he doesn’t send us the bill for the repairs. We press on to the nearest inhabited outpost to recruit two new crewmen; but for tonight, we’re gonna party until we see the break of day. With this in mind, Rhythm: play ‘Conga’.
ENTRY ENDS.
Captain Kersh Wilson (The Monsoon)
‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing,’ said Captain Kersh Wilson to his first mate, a giant shaggy biomorph called Shoggoth.
Shoggoth grunted in response.
‘Get the crew ready,’ instructed Kersh. ‘Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral Arm of the galaxy there are reports that several planets are to be destroyed to make way for an intergalactic bypass. And no one has told the inhabitants or cares about what happens to them.
We have to stop this.’
Shoggoth looked at Kersh deeply. There were many things that confused him about this human, but his kind demeanour and generosity is what had drawn him to serve this gentle and philosophical mystic.
Kersh and his crew landed on the blue and white, industrial, planet with the intent of stopping its destruction. They had discovered that it was being led by a sinister individual calling itself Planning Officer Prosser – such tyrants always give themselves grandiose titles. His elimination was essential to stopping this wanton act of violence.
Kersh and his crew approached a small house across a field of wheat. They could see large yellow machines getting ready to demolish the building. The crew’s pathfinder, Aidan Kenver, could see a large packing crate so he made a dash for it, wondering if it might have data about what was happening – the crew had secured a data loot token.
Kersh and the rest of the crew diverted around the back of the building because they’d seen more equipment stashed there and began to wonder the same as Aidan. Mallia Bygrove, an ex-army sniper, took up position at the corner of a hedge to cover Kersh and the crew in case anyone tried to come around behind (as they came into orbit they picked up the warpdrive signals of three other vessels, presumably trying to selfishly loot the planet before its destruction).
They saw movement! They recognised an individual who they knew to be a member of Captain Gloria’s crew.
‘Stay over there and come no nearer and we shall let you go in peace,’ called Kersh.
They heard no answer.
But an answer soon came because this same individual entered the wheat field and opened fire at Kersh and his men! Fire was soon returned.
Things got busier, because Mallia saw a couple of suspicious looking types beside an older, wooden, building with a sign outside that said ‘The Red Lion’, so to keep them at bay he gave them a warning shot.
More shooting could now be heard. Not only shooting, but the lowing and mooing of large bovine creatures. A robot came into view, a droid that Kersh had seen before amongst the crew of Captain Roj. This robot raised its gun and the sensors on Kersh’s Threat Detector sensed it locking on. But the robot’s aim soon passed and found a different target elsewhere. Nonetheless, the robot’s intentions had been made all too clear and there was no knowing whether it may or may not come back and take a shot. So Kersh called out to Yammet, a rapid-fire gunner, to take his weapon and destroy captain Roj’s robot. Yammet swung around and let out a terrible burst of fire and the robot crumpled into a mess of wires and burnt steel.
‘Captain,’ said crewman Rannock Crowder, ‘aren’t we getting distracted? Aren’t we here to stop Planning Officer Prosser?’
Rannock was right, and Kersh knew it. He drew out his lightsabre void blade and made for the target of their intentions, leaving troopers Zanford Schneider and Brynan Jones to keep up the fight with Captain Gloria’s crew.
Meanwhile, the fracas between Mallia and this other mystery crew had escalated. More deadly fire was being exchanged. Kersh’s droid, 2B-55, had joined in as well. The enemy crew were getting fewer in number, so that was a promising start. However, someone had hot-wired a pair of the large yellow machines surrounding the house, so Kersh, Shoggoth, and 2B-55 had to be careful.
There was Prosser! With his back to Kersh, the wicked Planning Officer was surveying his work, cackling cruelly at all the mayhem and destruction. Kersh was tempted to just strike him down, but his training had instilled in him an honourable code, and so he declared himself to Prosser. This code of honour was not shared by the Planning Officer who promptly swung around and struck Kersh with his briefcase before running off. Just a temporary setback as Kersh recovered and, braving the fire from the guns of the other hostile crew, Kersh pursued the Planning Officer before cornering him and striking him down with his lightsabre. Sorry, his void blade.
There was still a lot of upheaval to deal with. Kersh could see he’d been wrong about Captain Gloria and her crew who, like him, were out to protect this primitive planet. It was obvious that Captain Roj and this fourth crew he’d never encountered before had other plans. Mallia Bygrove made his way up, ducking behind some bins and boxes, before taking aim with his sniper rifle to shoot the drivers of the yellow death machines. He could see crew members of Captain Roj behind a hedge who took shots at Bygrove, but they missed their mark.
Realising they were bettered, Captain Roj and his crew soon slunk off like the dirty wamp-rats they were. Whoever this other crew had been was now irrelevant because they’d all been overcome and were nowhere to be seen.
Kersh made for 2B-55, who had received considerable damage, to make sure his droid was still fit to move. The droid was in bad shape, but still operable. Time to head back to their ship, though Kersh.
‘Back to the ship. Back to The Monsoon,’ he called and he and his crew made off, satisfied they’d stopped Planning Officer Prosser.
Captain Black Rat (The Dirty Rat)
It became apparent right from the off that it just wasn’t going to be my day. As I pulled my crew proudly from their storage foam, I soon realised one was absent. Where was Ratchet the Robot? Ratchet is bigger than the average figure. It has protection is akin to power armour. But he wasn’t there. I borrowed a robot from Tony, but then I found I had this old sculpt, at least fairly heavily armed, in the box. Then I realised I didn’t have my “powers cards” either. They are copied from the rule book and stuck to card. They are a handy aide memoire. I missed them.
My crew deployed from behind a pub. We might as well have gone in and had a few drinks. The approach might have been better if we did. I split my team, then got confused about who needed to be with what to benefit from the synergy of my powers. Then, “Oh look, I can see a robot approaching.” One of the J10 (Jeremy’s Blake’s 7 analogues, not a stellar equivalent of J2O from the aforementioned pub.) Time to use the “Control Robot” power. This failed (naturally), drawing withering fire from Jeremy. His approach had been more direct too, so he ended up grabbing more loot on this side of the table. Sadly, it took us some time to get over this spat and realise we were on the same side (as much as anyone can be in Stargrave!).
My mission stated that I really needed to find Prosser and get the keys. As Steve and Charlotte had their own little spat over who’s side was who’s, Steve also sent some forces toward the cottage.
Prosser randomly moved towards Steve and got into trouble. “We are on your side you bureaucratic twit!”. Both groups from the Dirty Rat were taking fire and I could not roll a defence die for a Syrtis Major toffee and peanut asteroid bar. While the Orange kid did make off with some loot, Captain Black Rat went out of action, swiftly followed by Harriet Barber (who strangely enough, might have felt at home in a B7 analogue crew…) and others too numerous to mention. No-one had a great day. Did I say no-one?
My hacker 01-V2 jumped onto a digger, hacked it and started driving for the cottage. Meanwhile one of the crew managed to grab the cottage keys from the flailing Prosser’s dying fingers and made for the door. The diggers were far from easy to control, as Charlotte had found earlier. The little droid tried to drive the digger into the cottage. Surely it must go down! No. Another try? No..and he got shot. Ratchet 2 jumped onto another digger, and was similarly challenged in the driving department. Nevertheless, we got inside to discover… that despite all that effort, the keys were keys to the hotwired diggers not the cottage. That summed it up for the game really’ as Ratchet 2 also went down, like the rest of the crew under a hail of critical hits that not even someone who can calculate their defence rolls properly could have survived. Fortunately, a number of end game rolls later I could lick just one wound and everyone lived…for another day.
Fortunately these two made it off and made it to the site.
Captain Roj Blake (unnamed starship)
The power armour check was passed, everything was loaded and the crew were ready to roll. The first surprise of the mission was that we landed in a green and pleasant land. There were green fields, trees and in the
distance a not particularly nice looking house. The mission brief was to find a Mr Prosser.
But my immediate problem was there were other crews present and mine was out in the open, so orders were given to get a move on and head towards the house. Making it to the other side of a large hedge, half the crew
were presented with a strange view. Charlotte’s crew was locked in battle with various creatures. This battle was to play out for a while, involving chickens, pigs, cows and dogs. So the crew took up position resting against a fence and taking in the show.
Meanwhile, the rest of the crew continued towards the house, only to be rudely attacked by Marcus’ crew trying to take control of robot Zen. Despite this attempt at control failing, the outrage was met in a suitable way with several hot projectiles. I’m pleased to report several hit and opened the score (appropriate given the target was next to the cricket pavilion).
However it soon became clear that the positions of the other crews meant getting to Mr Prosser was going to be impossible. Stephen’s crew were already approaching Mr Prosser while also exchanging fire with Marcus’ crew. And Charlotte’s crew had decided that despite losing to the local wildlife they would also fire on my crew by the fence. Marcus had also continued to poke round the pavilion providing a steady supply of target practice.
At this point there was a sudden change in the game. One of Marcus’ crew managed to get in one of the yellow diggers surrounding the house and was trying to get it to demolish the house. Charlotte’s crew had also prevailed against the livestock and managed to wound one of my crew. So I switched track and several crew made a dash with their loot while the remaining crew made for the diggers. And boy were those diggers hard to control. I never got close to the house and in the time I spent trying both Stephen’s and Charlottes crews were advancing on the house and I was taking fire. But you cannot say my crew wasn’t adaptable. It was time to grab the loot and make a run for it. Unfortunately one of my crew Jenna Stannis was shot in the back by Charlotte as they were retreating, and that’s where we left the other crews to it. It was a good day for loot but a bad day for the crew as, despite having an advanced medical suite on the ship, Jenna didn’t make it.
